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    • ALISON ELIZABETH BOYD – LETTING YOU KNOW HER
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ALISON ELIZABETH BOYD – THE PARENTS’ PERSPECTIVE

Alison-shortly before her deathNo matter how eloquent, words can never convey my sense of loss over Alison’s death.  It is true of every parent who has lost a child.  There is comfort in knowing that we are not alone.  Still, this is a personal experience, and not one I would wish upon even my worst enemy.  Alison is one of three children I have buried.  The loss of any of them is painful, but losing Alison has been the most sorrowful because we had nearly eleven years to get to know this sweet child.

Once I was asked what Alison’s handicaps meant to me.  I responded that I mourned the fact that she never would climb a tree; she would never ride a bicycle.  She never would have a boyfriend, enjoy a first kiss, get married or have children.  She never would live a natural life.  It saddened me.  Yet, Ali brought a sense of joy to my life…to all our lives.  A neighbor in LaPlace, LA, once commented that Ali’s mother and I must be saints to take such loving care of Alison.  I was quick to tell him that it was Alison who was the saint and that we were blessed to have her in our lives.  I told him that even if I knew ahead of time the tribulations we would experience with Alison’s medical problems, I would choose to experience them again because of the blessing she was to us.

Ali only asked for attention.  She didn’t beg for the latest toy, or to go to that popular fast food place with the arches.  She didn’t throw temper tantrums because she didn’t get a Dad and Alisoncertain pair of shoes or a cute dress.  She simply wanted our love and attention.  In return, she offered an abundance of the same.  She was a gentle child.  One of my fondest memories is that she loved falling asleep in my arms, even at the age of ten.  How many fathers have that privilege?  Ali could have been a screamer.  Instead, she was a charmer…what a charmer!

I am a reporter of facts, not a poet.  I don’t have the ability to weave flowery phrases…but my family…Alison’s family…is talented in that way.  It is true that our family mourns Alison, yet we rejoice in her life.  Alison's mother Denise and her brothers Jeremy (l) and Jon (r)Here is what her mother, Denise Boyd, had to say:  It’s been a little over 23 years since you came into our lives and a little over 12 since you left them, at least in a physical sense. The years since you departed seem to have rushed by yet they also seem to have dragged on, taking me kicking and screaming with them. 


 
I remember thinking on the day you arrived, “How will we ever deal with this?” for the stillbirth of one baby girl and the desperate illness and questionable survival of another seemed too great to bear. I also remember thinking on the day you died, “Take me instead!” But we did deal and I was left to finish out my life without you. 

 
I miss you. Still. Every day, hour hour, every minute and every second, I miss you. I find myself wandering through grocery store aisles thinking of you, wondering what you would look like if you were alive today, trying to imagine how your voice would sound if you were here to ‘speak’ to me. When I see pretty little identical twin girls my heart hurts and I want to turn away from them but instead I sneak glances and miss something I almost had. I go through the slideshow in my mind of special, though not always good, times with you: your dedication ceremony at church, your first birthday after the 6 week course of ACTH injections had turned you into a fussy butterball, your milestones of rolling over and sitting alone, brushing that beautiful long brown hair of yours, listening to “Bolero” and “Macarena” a hundred times a day because they calmed you, flying runs to the hospital when you were seizing, and finally your unexpected death and funeral. My heart simply aches with the void, Alison. I miss you.

 
I sometimes fear the day when I won’t remember the sound of your voice. I don’t want to forget it and I don’t want you to be forgotten. The day will come when those of us who loved you aren’t here to keep your memory alive and it will be as though you never existed. I can’t bear the thought of that so I share little pieces of you with those who matter to me with the hope that many years from now you might cross their minds now and then. That gives me some small comfort. 

 
Lest you or others think the years since your death have been all bad, they haven’t! As time passes I’m able to smile and laugh more when remembering or talking about you. The times of sadness and tears are less and the good times far outweigh the bad. Your birthdays and deathdays are difficult but most of the days in between are good, very good. For awhile I felt guilty for being happy again but I know that’s natural and the guilt was replaced with acceptance. It really is okay that I’m happy. But I still miss you.

 
I don’t know where or what you are right now, precious girl. Angels are created beings and a step below children and I don’t believe our Father would demote children upon death so I don’t imagine you’re an angel but you must be something close to it. Anyone as guiltless, beautiful, and joyous as you were would have to be. I imagine you’re sleeping the great sleep, unaware and still so innocent. And I know that some day I’ll see you again and you’ll be just as beautiful to me then as you were in this life. 

 
Until then, I love you and I miss you.

 
Mom

 
“Death leaves a heartache difficult to heal;
Love leaves sweet memories no one can steal.”

The Latest From My Blog

ALISON ELIZABETH BOYD – THE PARENTS’ PERSPECTIVE»

No matter how eloquent, words can never convey my sense of loss over Alison’s death.  It is true of every parent who has lost a child.  There is comfort in knowing that we are not alone.  Still, this is a personal experience, and not one I would wish upon even my worst enemy.  Alison is [...]

Posted on Tuesday, May 18th, 2010 at 1:31 pm in the Blog, Featured, Memorial category | No Comments »

ALISON ELIZABETH BOYD – LETTING YOU KNOW HER»

Despite her limitations, Alison was a warm and loving human being in every sense of the word.  She truly loved absolutely unconditionally, and never hated anyone.  She did fear the many nurses who had to draw her blood or give  her shots…but she would just as quickly give them a smile and a hug. Ali was [...]

Posted on Sunday, May 9th, 2010 at 9:33 pm in the Blog, Featured, Memorial category | No Comments »

ALISON ELIZABETH BOYD – MEMORIAL»

Eloquence escapes me when I talk or write about my late daughter Alison Elizabeth Boyd, or “Ali” as we called her.  I wish I could convey to you what a joy she was…how captivating her smile…how contagious her laughter.  Believe me, you have missed something special if you missed meeting and knowing Alison Boyd Ali [...]

Posted on Sunday, May 2nd, 2010 at 8:41 pm in the Featured, Memorial category | 1 Comment »

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